Rhodes Encyclopedia

Rhodentia is an order of students (class Studentus). Members of the order Rhodentia are called Rhodents. Size and range of order 

In terms of number of species, Rhodents have the most diverse population, with over 7000 known variations. Their rate of success is probably due to their cranial size relative to alcohol intake, short hangover cycle, and ability to source and survive on non-nutritious food substances. The “all-nighter” is another survival mechanism that Rhodents employ in order to fulfil their “DP requirements” (see Definitions). Most Rhodents migrate four times a year, returning to their ancestral breeding grounds. Distribution varies from region to region. 

Thrust into the wild as early as first year, Rhodents are the only student order other than bats (Chiroptera) to reach graduation without parental supervision. Characteristics 

Most Rhodents are aged between 18 and 23 years, but this excludes the sub-species Rhodentia Gapyearus and Rhodentia Postgradia. The tiny “poppie” Rhodent (Rhodentia Poppus) is only 1,6m in length and 7 grams in weight. The male counterpart of this sub-species is known as the “Jock” (Rhodentia Jockus). The two are often seen engaging in complicated mating rituals at the “meat-market” (see Characteristics and Definitions).  Rhodents often participate in two activities known as “bushdiving” and “macadamia nuts” (see Definitions). Shortly, bushdiving involves a gratuitous amount of alcohol and numbed cerebral cortex, while macadamia nuts involves a process commonly known as the “lunge” (see Definitions).  

Nearly all Rhodents feed on pizza, Gino’s or Debonairs in particular, but there are a few exceptions who eat actual red meat or even a nutritious salad (see Rhodentia Hippidea). The “Wacky Wednesday” phenomenon renders Rhodents in a frenzied state to compete for a half-priced Steers burger. This behaviour is similar to that of the Lemming species. Rhodents are important in many ecosystems because they have the ability to reproduce rapidly and can function as a source of entertainment and as disease vectors in lecture theatres. Pharmacy and scientific Rhodentia often use fellow Rhodents as model organisms in animal testing and even in detecting hangover cures. In daylight hours, Rhodents have a tendency to congregate in large numbers at the “Day Kaif”. Here, Rhodents scrounge for small change in order to reinvigorate their energy stores by feeding or caffeinating.  

Excluding the Rhodents that suffer from a chronic “dawnie” syndrome or acute narcolepsy (Rhodentia Narcoleptica), most Rhodents are nocturnal beings. During night hours Rhodents generally work to maintain a pass rate, or alternatively they work to maintain a failing grade, which entails excessive procrastination, neglect of studies, or liver failure. Classification 

The Rhodentia genus may be divided into several suborders. The classification scheme is as follows. The name Rhodentia is derived from
Rhodes, the species’ characteristic environment.
 

Suborder Rhodentia Nocturnalisticus:-Rhodents which experience their highest level of brain activity during nightly hours.-Family Rhodentia Insomnious is particularly susceptible to sleep deprivation, restlessness and the lacks the desire and, or the ability to, sleep especially during the night.-Family Rhodentia Procrastinatus consequent to this species daily procrastination habits, it is forced to function mainly at night in order to meet deadlines.-Family Rhodentia Wild-Party-Animalia: tends to consent to a permanent state of sleep deprivation consequent to the species’ inability to exhaust its partying desires. Suborder Rhodentia Narcoleptica:-Often rendered asleep at inappropriate times, such as during lectures. The species has little or no control over their irregular sleeping patterns.  

Suborder Rhodentia Journalisticus:The family of  Rhodents who take interest in the field of journalism, or choose to dedicate their waking hours to studying or practising it.-Family Rhodentia Nervosa is characteristically sleep deprived, agitated, prone to twitching movements and reacts badly to unexpected stimuli. Attempting to prey on or stalk this species is not recommended, especially during deadline season.-Sub-family Rhodentia Activatus. The family of Rhodents that choose to dedicate weekends at the Activate office to compile a newspaper for the enjoyment of other fellow Rhodents. This species is seldom in its de-caffeinated state.        It was this species who wrote this entry and it is quite apparent     that this species has sanity-related issues. Suborder Rhodentia Academicus:-This family of  Rhodents prides themselves on the feats of their cerebral cortex and the high level of such activity experienced. Rhodentia Hermiticus choose to submerge themselves in their academic work and despise the activity of socialising.Rhodentia Studious are slightly more balanced than their cousin, th Rhodentia Hermiticus, as they are able to socialise on a regular basis providing that the main focus of their day, night, week and month is their final mark.

Suborder Rhodentia Hippidea:– This family chooses to walk barefoot and enjoy long flowing clothing generally woven with hemp. They also experience frequent epiphanies and are some of the more subdued species available for observation on campus.

Suborder Rhodentia Activisticous:– The family of  Rhodents that pride themselves on ensuring that matters about which they feel strongly are expressed. This expression is generally communicated through marches, protests or heated debates. Suborder Rhodentia Bodyfocusius:Rhodentia Jockus, the proud, muscle-bearing Rhodent, who takes their leisure, accompanied by a Frisbee, ball or other throwable object and migrate to at the “meat-market” in order to impress and court its female counterpart the Rhodentia Poppus. The Jockus species attracts a mate by tanning on a concrete slab and indiscreetly flexing its well-toned muscles.Rhodentia Poppus, the twiggy reincarnated version of a Rhodent that generally wears clothing ensembles that require very little material. The mini-skirt is an example of the colourful plumage this genus uses to attract a Jockus mate. This genus has a constant desire to dress similarly to others in its group, creating an “attack of the clones” effect. 

Suborder Rhodentia Scientifica:-This family deals in the scientific arts. This species’ time is generally held at ransom by afternoon practical sessions which involve testing various substances and reactions. In the case of Pharmacy Rhodentia the test subjects are often volunteering Rhodents. Sub-order Rhodentia Commercicus:-This family travels in herds around campus. It has been observed that the largest number moves from Eden Grove towards the “Day Kaif”. Other Rhodents are wary of this genus, as they are a nervous breed prone to stampede. 

Language of Rhodentia 

Lunge (verb): A drunken, usually random, act of scoring another person when out on the town. It is usually much encouraged by friends (see Macadamia Nuts). WARNING: May lead to awkwardness the following day.

Naps (noun): Refers to the nocturnal activities in which one stays over in a res room other than one’s own. (Also see Walk of Shame). Also verb: Refers to the activities carried out during that time.

Arb (noun): A random subject, thought to require little work, taken simply to fill in one’s credits. Also refers to a random person, about whom very little is known. Also adverb: describes the degree of randomness of an activity.

Dawnie (noun): The earliest period that exists at Rhodes, generally one with low attendance levels. It is highly disliked by Rhodentus hanging-sapiens.

All-Nighter (noun): A frantic effort to cram study or finish an essay to meet deadlines usually on the following day. Involves little or no sleep and is a common practice of Rhodentus Insomnius.

BP Run (noun): The late night mission to BP garage for food after an all-nighter or a night out on the town. Is an effective way to combat munchies but may be detrimental to one’s budget if it becomes a regular practice.

Cane train (noun): Getting on the cane train is a crazy and drunken experience that follows the consumption of cane. Usually involves memory loss and/or embarrassing dancing.

Bushdive (verb): Involves the alcohol-induced act of jumping full force into random bushes and/or trees. Mostly ends badly usually with blood or serious damage to body parts. Usually interests the male species more than the female and is very amusing to observe.

               

Crackling (noun): Also known as Holy Water. The cheapest booze to buy on a student budget; tastes vile and results in serious memory loss but does the job all the same. The morning after has shown to be an undesirable state of nausea, migraine, and numbness of the extremities. Costs a minimum of R9 per litre.

Cotch Creek (noun): The stream behind Jan Smuts residence used often to vomit in when your room is just that little bit too far. The emanating aroma has been the enemy of the sober for decades.

Day Kaif (noun): The place to congregate between lectures and buy


chelsea buns and other yummy food. Often inhabited by those who choose to skip lectures or those with free periods.

Walk of Shame (noun): The dreaded walk home in the previous night’s clothes after naps.

Seal-clubbing (verb): When an older member of the Rhodent genus takes sexual advantage of innocent first-years. A lesser version of cradle-snatching, but has similar consequences. Referred originally to the act of beating a new-born seal to death with a club, as to preserve the integrity of the coat. Similar to the art of seal clubbing at
Rhodes except that no seals are hurt…

Tutling (noun): What tutors use to refer to the people in their tutorial groups. Beware the Rhodentus Intoxicatus tutor, or the Rhodentus predatorus.  

Macadamia Nuts (noun): Usually shouted at two people looking slightly more than cosy in order to encourage them to ‘lunge’ (see Lunge).

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2 Responses to Rhodes Encyclopedia

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